Seoul

Popular Korean Car - the "Korando"

This will be a relatively quick post since I don't remember the bulk of this stop. This is not for lack of time spent there...I was in Seoul for the most days (5) out of any of the destinations. It has more to do with hanging out with one Paul Withrow who drinks alcohol every night like a camel stocking up on water for the next 2 months in the desert.

My Seoul adventure began before I even got there when I partied all New Year's Eve night and into New Year's Day in DC. I got about 30 minutes of sleep (a sign of things to come for the next 3 weeks) and headed for the airport at 9am to catch what I thought would be my cakewalk 15 hour direct flight to Seoul. Little did I know that Korean Air would sit me in the crying Korean baby section.

15 hours later with about 30 minutes sleep again, I arrived in Seoul. Upon landing I was given a Korean landing card along with a pamphlet on how to find God from the uber religious Korean lady sitting next to me with her admittedly cute and much-better-behaved-than-the-rest Korean baby. Her baby daddy probably left her cuz she is batshit insane religious. I thanked her and avoided her questions about being saved and went to gather my bags and sanity.

Once I made it into the city I met up with Paul and we proceeded to the nearest Korean BBQ place (there are about 15 to choose from on every corner) and started drinking beer (mekju) and soju (worst hard alcohol drink ever) in massive amounts. We then went on to a few Korean bars (Hofs) and got wrecked. I think the night ended after I got in a belligerent drunk verbal sparring match with some Canadian douch scrotes.

The next 3 nights went on in a similar fashion (sans the fights with citizens of America's hat). I don't really remember much of what happened but I'm told one night I helped to breakup a fight amongst some tiny Koreans. I can only imagine it was really easy since Koreans are half my size and usually never come to blows.

Anyway, I was deathly ill for most of this leg of the trip and it definitely put a damper on the visit. I would like to go back to Seoul when it is warmer and see more of the city and maybe some cultural things. I'm sure it is more than just Soju and Mekju and fighting.

about 20 soju shots deep - barely remember this

Back...

In Western Europe...yay.

I've been traveling since New Year's day and my clothes and assorted belongings smell like they were buried in a river of garbage and rotting food.

I arrived in Vienna Saturday night and I'm still recovering but I'll have an update on all of the places I visited (in different installments) within the next few days. I'll also fill you in on how much Vienna blows and how badly I want to leave. Check back tomorrow.

Forgive me for being negative about living in Vienna but I just came from this (not a postcard).PS - sorry to those I missed while at home. I was there for 10 days but away for 2 visiting family and sick for 3. Basically it was too short of a break from Europe...what a horrible life I lead.

Poland

I'm going there this weekend. Warsaw to be specific. It should be sweet because I'll have a bunch of friends there and because of this.

I'm wearing my best Abercrombie clothing all weekend.

Vacation Plans

Once a year from mid-December until mid-January I get time off from my job (unpaid). Thanks shitty fake scam company! It's like I get spring break again but I'm grown up and I have money (for now). So for anyone who is interested, these are my plans.

December 20 - I fly into DC very late at night. I am most likely going to go straight to the bar and get drunk (if I'm not dead from my flight), hopefully with lots of people I want to see. I will be home from December 20 - January 1. If you are around let me know somehow. I won't have a phone so email or facebook would be a good way.

January 1st I leave again and return to Asia for some traveling before another "summit" in Boracay, Philippines.

My rough itinerary for January is:

Jan 1 - fly from DC to Seoul, Korea
Jan 6 - Seoul, Korea to Shanghai, China
Jan 9 - Shanghai, China to Hong Kong...hong kong?
Jan 12 - Hong Kong to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Jan 16 - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to Manila, Philippines

I'm hanging out with my buddy who is teaching English in Korea first, then meeting up with my two good friends in the company from Shanghai on so it should be a mildly entertaining trip.

The "company" "summit" (I put both in quotes intentionally) will involve me and all of my coworkers aged 22 - 28 getting fucked up every night in paradise. A lot of these employees are Filipinos (or Flips/Filos as I affectionately and racistly call them) who are "high society" there. They all have more money and servants than God and they only hang out with models and coke dealers so it should be fun.

Actually I think it's a fact that every girl in high society Philippines is or was a model...looks don't really count. In fact, the girl I'm working with next project in Austria is one of these Filo models.

After a week in paradise I leave for cold ass boring ass Vienna for four months where I will try not to get imprisoned, raped, and impregnated against my will.

Dutch/American History Lesson

Did you know Martin Van Buren, The United States' 8th president, was the only president to not speak English as a first language? Did you care? Me neither. But read about it anyway from Wikipedia:

Martin Van Buren (December 5, 1782 – July 24, 1862) was the eighth President of the United States from 1837 to 1841. Before his presidency, he served as the eighth Vice President (1833-1837) and the 10th Secretary of State under Andrew Jackson. He was a key organizer of the Democratic Party, a dominant figure in the Second Party System, and the first president who was not of British (i.e. English, Welsh or Scottish) or Irish descent. He was the first president to be born an American citizen^[2] (his predecessors were born before the revolution); he is also the only president not to have spoken English as a first language, having grown up speaking Dutch.^[3]

Another fun fact involving Martin Van Buren from Wikipedia:

In a popular episode of Seinfeld entitled "The Van Buren Boys," Kramer and George are threatened by a street gang called the Van Buren Boys with the secret sign of the number 8 because Van Buren was the 8th president. They apparently picked that name because Van Buren was the man they most admired. The gang is apparently "every bit as mean as he was".

And even more about the history of the Dutch in America! Weeee!

The Dutch had settled in America long before the establishment of the United States of America.^{[nb 18]} For a long time the Dutch lived in Dutch colonies, owned and regulated by the Dutch Republic, which later became part of the Thirteen Colonies. Nevertheless, many Dutch communities remained virtually isolated towards the rest of America up until the American Civil War, in which the Dutch fought for the North and adopted many American ways.^[94]

Most future waves of Dutch immigrants were quickly assimilated. There have been three American presidents of Dutch descent: Martin van Buren (8th, first president who was not of British descent, first language was Dutch), Franklin D. Roosevelt (32nd, elected to four terms in office, he served from 1933 to 1945, the only U.S. president to have served more than two terms) and Theodore Roosevelt (26th).

Thank you Dutch people. Those are actually relatively decent presidents.

And now history about New York, or Nieuw Amsterdam as it used to be called in the 17th century:

On August 27, 1664, in a surprise incursion when England and the Dutch Republic were at peace, four English frigates sailed in New Amsterdam’s harbor and demanded New Netherland’s surrender, whereupon New Netherland was provisionally ceded by director-general Peter Stuyvesant. This resulted in the Second Anglo-Dutch War, between England and the Dutch Republic.

In 1667, the Dutch did not press their claims on New Netherland (but did not relinquish them either) in the Treaty of Breda, in return for an exchange with the tiny Island of Run in North Maluku, rich in nutmegs and the guarantee for the factual possession of Suriname, that year captured by them. The New Amsterdam city was subsequently renamed New York, after the Duke of York (later King James II) — brother of the English King Charles II — who had been granted the lands with the kingly stroke of an armchair pen (similar to the Spanish claim to the entire western hemisphere).

However, in the Third Anglo-Dutch War, the Dutch recaptured New Netherland in August 1673 and installed Anthony Colve as New Netherland's first Governor (previously there had only been West India Company Directors), and the city was renamed "New Orange". After the signing of the Treaty of Westminster in November 1674 the city was relinquished to English rule and the name reverted to "New York"; Suriname became an official Dutch possession in return.

Talk about getting fucked. New York for Suriname? I bet you can't even name the bordering countries of Suriname. You're an idiot. Much like the Dutch guy who signed the treaty.

I've actually come across a lot of Dutch people who claim that if they hadn't lost New York that the world would be speaking Dutch instead of English as an international language. Well dream on Dutch-bags. No one wants to hock hard G's all over the place.

As a Japanese businessman in Holland told me in my first week here: "ahhhsooo I think ah you must have cricket in your throat to speak ah Dutch." And as with everything I have ever been told by the numerous Japanese guys I have met with on this job, it was true.

Change of Plans

I'm moving to Vienna, Austria in January. My company nixed Moscow when they realized that Russia is being raped by the credit crisis/low oil prices/various wars. I was super pumped about Russia and I can't say the same thing for Austria.

See here, here, and here for reasons why Austria might blow.

On the plus side Austria is where the film The Sound of Music was filmed. Yay.

At least I will be able to get back into snowboarding.

Amsterdam By Boat

I mentioned before that the best way to see Amsterdam is by boat. On one crisp fall day I decided to hit the canals and take some pictures on my vessel.

Here is a step by step guide for a guaranteed good time on the rough waters of the Dam.

Step 1: openly mock gang of cycling tourists on your way to your boat. Nice bike guy! Does it come in mens?

Step 2: Bail out boat from underneath junkie piss and sewage water. Clean dirty leaves off of boat while your friend expresses his inner desire to give you a good rogering.

Step 3: Start motor after 30 minutes of furious pulling on lawn mower string. Set off under the first of many underpasses and tunnels. Watch out for pigeons aka rats with wings...and giant canal taxis that will ram the fuck out of you.

Step 4: Take in the sights. A church or seven.Step 5: Enjoy the wild/aquatic life. Run over swans.

Step 6: Bring sunglasses or you will run into a bigger boat and capsize. From what I understand 75% of canal house boats dump their sewage directly into the canals. Basically, bring protective eye wear or enjoy swimming in other peoples' feces.

Step 7: Don't venture out too far into the open river behind Central Station on a cold fall day. Tankers and barges rule the open waters and make a wake large enough to capsize a six seat boat. Plus people in boat taxis will look at you funny. With a hint of bemusement, sympathy, and horror. Almost like you are mentally retarded.

Watch out for large wake mentioned above. This is what happens. According to my friend and coworker, Spanish girlfriends get really angry when they are cold, sick, and soaking wet.

Step 8: You survived the poo canals and the high seas. Pat yourself on the back. Bring a jacket next time. And less dudes.

I just sold this trusty vessel. She will be missed.