HK & Singapore update

So HK was cool as expected and I had a good visit there with mi familia. We did quite a bit of sightseeing even though the weather was mostly shit. I love that city.

The main reason for this post though is Singapore and the revelation I had that it is way cooler than I expected.

First of all, they allow gum. Just not the selling of it. So after I entered passport control hiding my gum stealthily on the roof of my mouth (and well into the rest of Friday evening), I was told by some expat dude that they do allow you to put chewing gum in your mouth and in fact chew it in the light of day...right in front of the authorities.

Aside from that little tidbit, I learned that Singapore is basically like a working and efficient version of SE Asia which was kind of a nice break from KL. People there seem pretty friendly and there seems to be a big number of younger expats.

It's also relatively easy and cheap to get around by metro which was definitely a nice break from KL with 99% of its cab drivers being rip off artist fucks. A hearty fuck you to all my Malaysian cabbies reading this.

Singapore also has a number of cool historic hoods where you can get bomb Indian, Chinese, or Malay food for pretty cheap (if you know where to go..which I didn't). Hawker stands though seem to be all around and offer really good food and drinks 24 hours a day.

To sum Singapore up: I could see myself living there and I may be looking into a getting a job there sometime in the not so distant future.

Now I'm going to Singapore

Also known as "Disneyland with the death penalty" or the "world's only shopping mall with a seat in the United Nations" as I've read on wikitravel...and I believe everything I read there.

Not having been there, I would venture to say that Singapore is actually more strict than Disney Land since they allow chewing gum at the latter. Not to worry as I will expertly hide my gum on the roof of my mouth as I've done since Ms. Denicola's 1st grade class on up to my most recent meeting with the CEO of the External Trade Development Arm of Malaysia today.

Anyway, I'm pretty pumped to finally go there since I had a friend living there when I was in BKK and never got around to visiting. I expect to hear a lot of annoying "Singlish" that sounds very much like English spoken in KL with random grunts and "lahs" added to words that need no additions. I also expect to pay $40 Sing dollars for every meal...on second thought maybe I'm not that pumped...

So...Singapore. Here I come.

I'm Going to Hong Kong

My parents are coming to Asia and I'm headed to HK to meet them this weekend. I've been before so I know what I'm in for and it's going to be sweet.

On a related note, I was just told that I "can't miss" the restaurant Chili Fagara. ha ha. Yeah right. Nice try guy who "lived in Hong Kong for 5 years."

That reminds me of the last time I was in HK. My buddy asked if his friend, who lived in Hong Kong for a while, knew any cool people we could meet up with. He gave him a number and said "call my buddy Mickey. He's really awesome."

Fast forward to the first night we were there and my friend says to me and our other travel companion: "hey guys, I'm gonna call this Mickey guy cuz he's supposed to be cool and will know where to go out here." He whips out his phone, dials the number, and gets the general line to Disney Land Hong Kong. Well played guy who orchestrated this prank. I'm still waiting to use it on some unsuspecting friend.

I did just check the web for Chili Fagara and to my surprise, it does exist. No joke, this is on their website: "Many people describe our food as orgasmic - the intensity mounts and grows until you reach the top. Then you have to calm yourself..."

I think that's called blue balls.

Crazy Monkey Defense

Since I have so much free time on my hands working by myself, I've started a new class. It's called CMD, or "Crazy Monkey Defense." It's basically some sort of offshoot of MMA.

http://www.crazymonkeydefense.com/cmdp/

Next time you see me come at me like a crazy monkey and see if I can't defend the shit out of whatever you throw at me.

I roll with socialites...

in third world countries.

I went to some actress's birthday party the other weekend. It was in a really really nice house in a rich compound in Manila (pronounced "My Knee Lah" if you are Filipino). They have these compounds in various areas throughout Manila to keep the poor people out.

I'm told the guy who threw the party only uses the place as an "event house" (read nose candy house) Apparently he is the son of the owner of Philippine Airlines. Who even knew they existed? Let alone make a lot of money.

Anyway I also invited my buddy from college who is Filipino-American and also did not know who any of these socialites were at the party. We both brought bottles of wine that were promptly hidden from view at the top-shelf open bar.

Bali Bribin'

I went to Bali last weekend for a second time in as many months. As luck would have it I got to give my first SE Asian bribe out! Actually two in one trip!

The first one came when I tried to enter Indonesian passport control only to find out that they would not put their visa over top of faded passport stamps I had acquired over 7 years ago. They shuffled me to a shady backroom where a beaming Indonesian guard not so subtly asked me for 50USD for "extra pages that look like American passport pages."

This offer sounded more attractive than flying back to KL for the weekend, so I agreed to give him 50 Malaysian Ringgit which is about 40 USD. He said ok and disappeared for 10 minutes. What he came back with in no way resembles American passport pages. He handed me my passport with a piece of grade z wax paper stuck into the middle with an Indonesian visa on it. I should have a lot of explaining to do to the American consulate here when I actually go to get more pages put in...

The next bribe I had to give came also from a very pleasant Indonesian cop when he pulled me over for not wearing a helmet on my scooter. I tried to explain to him that I'm a pale face and did not know the law but he didn't speak English very well.

It turns out though, that his English language negotiating skillz kicked in perfectly when I told him I was from the USA. He was able to get 10 USD out of me. My Filipino buddy was pulled over 10 minutes later and only had to give 5 USD after saying that he was just a poor Feeleepeenoh. Reverse racism.

Bali is still awesome though. The rest of the weekend I spent surfing and drinking and chilling on the beach. I plan to go back for a third time next month.

I'm in KL

That's Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia for you Asia NOOBS...Idiots.

Anyway, lots of things have transpired since I last posted a month and a half ago.

One of those "things" is that all of my friends were laid off from the job and I'm working alone in KL. Anyway, I'm not long for this job...at least with this company.

So far KL is pretty boring as far as SE Asia goes. Like I said in a post from a prior visit, there's not much to see. It is clean, green, and much richer than every other SE Asian country. If you think these things are cool then you must not be. SE Asia is supposed to be cheap, smelly, polluted and dodgy. The food is ok so far but still doesn't compare to Thailand. Neither do the girls...half of whom are wearing head scarves...if they can't show me their "hair up there" how am I supposed to get a peak down below? nawhadaimeen? Actually I think that's the last name of a girl I met the other day...heyooo. But enough with the unnecessary racism.

I did manage to get to Bali last weekend which is one of the "awesomer" places I've been in my life. Everything is cheap, people are friendly, and you can surf. I plan to go there and surf and drink as much as possible to maintain sanity.