Ducati

I went to the Ducati factory in Bologna to interview the CEO of Ducati. This guy was a big fucking deal. After meeting with him and conducting an interview we toured the factory and saw all of the different models being built. It was quite badass.

In fact I had to restrain myself from saying "badass" or "holy fucking shit" in front of the tour guide as it probably would not have been the best way to act when pretending to be a journalist.

I tried to drop subtle hints that I want a free Ducati to no avail. Then they gave us a 40% discount at the Ducati store where I blew too much money on already overpriced merchandise. We basically went there to sell them and they ended up turning the tables on us.

They wouldn't let us take pictures inside their factory where they assemble but this picture below is in the museum, which is also part of the whole building.

Moto GP bikes behind me. badass.

I Got My First Number From a Model

He is a strapping, young, nubile, 19 year old Canadian.

It is not the sex I hoped for (at least not publicly), but I figure I am half way there.

It was fate. We were leaving the metro to hit a bar and he heard my deep, exotic American voice and asked where we were from. We spoke for a few minutes and found out he was 19 and from Vancouver. He was with some attractive Persian girl. There has to be more where that came from. Plus he said he knows where to get hash so I took down his number.

I am utilizing the 3 day rule so as not to project too much interest. I don't want to scare this hunk off.

ps this isn't him but all male models basically look the same. Chiseled and svelte. Like me.

Negroni

This drink is the devil. I'm not versed in what goes into a negroni but I believe it is one half gasoline, a quarter cough syrup, and a quarter gin. I had about 8 of these last night after not eating dinner. It made for an interesting night which I do not remember but assume was interesting. I do remember arguing with my cab driver and telling him to fuck himself at the end of the night. Then I think I fell into some bushes. I was pulling shrubbery out of my clothes all morning.

I'm going out tonight to a true Milan club to hang out with models and football players (read soccer). I have become a true European douchebag. I call soccer football and use the metric system to measure everything. You want to know how far I am from the nearest metro stop? About 500 meters. I weigh 78 kilos. I like to drink liters of cola.

Hopefully I can form coherent sentences to speak to models tonight.

I'm a Winner

I paid a lot of money to brag about this:

http://www.forbes.com/2008/01/29/schools-college-
professional-biz-sports_cx_ml_champions08_0129factory.html

When In Rome

I know a few people who don't understand that saying.

I took a little trip to Rome last weekend. We stayed with my coworker's Canadian friend who was very Canadian and very hospitable. The only tourist activity we did was see the Vatican which was pretty cool. The rest of the time we spent chilling in cafes, going out, and riding scooters (I know it's gay).

Since he worked for the World Food Program he knew a bunch of foreigners in Rome. We went to a WFP house party on Saturday night. There were a lot of European and Canadian white people there eating expensive foods...Ironic. It started out pretty lame with me and my coworker, Michelle, standing around smoking and making fun of people.

After the drinks became more abundant though, things got much better. I ended up talking to this girl from Spain. For some reason I was convinced she was eastern European and I told her that my anglo-saxon Grandma was more Spanish than her. Things were fine for about 5 minutes of teasing but at some point I became absolutely certain she was a Serb masquerading as a lovely spanish chica. I started telling her I love Kosovo and to give them freedom or face the consequences. At minute 20 of the conversation she finally got pissed and pulled her actual Eastern European friend over who confirmed she was Spanish. We parted ways with a hearty handshake after that. My game might have to move beyond teasing people about sensitive ethnic tensions...

At around 1 AM Michelle and I left the party to go to some club that her Parisian friend was at. We arrived at this huge old rec center/high school looking place and knew it would be an interesting crowd. Inside it really looked like an old dirty/abandoned high school, complete with overflowing toilettes and broken glass. There were many different rooms with a main room bumping loud house music. I like house music. You can dance to it any way you want and not look like an asshole...or maybe look like an asshole but everyone around you looks like one too.

The people at this club were ridiculously European. Everyone had on euro shades and danced crazy. I'm guessing 90% of people there were on some form of mdma. Sadly we were just really wasted. We danced to house with the Parisian and his Brazilian friends. I was kind of disappointed in the Brazilian girls. I have heard good things and they weren't anything to blog about (the new "write home about"). Anyway, we ended the night at around 5 AM when the DJ finished punching his various computer buttons for the last time.

Sunday we rented scooters...

Emasculation land

Happy Valentines Day

I'm sick and feel like ass. I have spent the last 3 hours watching gymnastics on Italian TV. I also watched some BBC World News until the same 3 commercials got to be too much for me. The one Chivas Regal commercial makes me never want to drink scotch again. It features three ruggedly handsome men taking an exotic trip by themselves out to a deserted waterfall to bask in the sun and drink scotch. Could be one of the gayer things I have seen in a while.

Anyway, enjoy some humor I was sent just now. Thanks fai.

http://arabianmonkey.com/doclothesmakeyouadouchebag.html

I Bought Euro Shades

Late Boracay Recap

Boracay is an island paradise situated about 200 miles south of Manila. We had a company retreat there. Why you would plan a serious company retreat in such a place as this I do not know...Probably because it was anything but a serious company retreat. The island is truly a paradise. I have never been anywhere like it. The beaches are beautiful and so are the tiny women. Even the ladymen can be quite appealing in the right light...er maybe that's how I justify ogling a few only to be informed minutes later that they have man bits.

I went out until about 4 or 5 in the morning every single night there, drank copious amounts of alcohol, and basically did foolish things 90% of the time. On one night there I found myself doing a "15 shot challenge" at one local bar. Apparently it is a Boracay tradition...er a tradition for the tourists. I'm not sure that actually counts.

Anyway, I am a trainee in the company and I had flashbacks to pledging when I had people around me basically hazing me and telling me to take the shots faster. It didn't help that I had a coworker next to me take down all 15 shots in 2 minutes. I have never seen such a display of drinking in my day...and I've seen quite a bit. After he finished I was both amazed and appalled. So I told him he might want to seek help for his ailment and continued drinking my 15 shots. When all was said and done I think I did quite a few more shots after the 15. I think my rationalization was to celebrate finishing 15 shots...I will check into Betty Ford Italy soon.

When I finally finished I looked like this:
That is another coworker - Katya. I got this shirt for finishing the 15 shots. I don't know where I found the glasses...

Italian Guys Sound Like Borat

When Italian guys try to speak English they sound like Borat. I have an Italian Super. His name is Bruno. I want to crack up every time I speak with him.

I went to the bank to try and open a bank account when I first got here. If I had closed my eyes I could have sworn Borat was helping me open an account. When he found out I was from the States he started telling me how much he wants to go there. "I laike the rock n roll music! The guns and roses and the AC..DC (even though they are Australian), and the RAmones."

An aside: I met this dude through my coworker who met him through some random friend. He looks a lot like my older brother, except he speaks Borat English.

Italian Chris Koranda -
I don't know who the chick is. It's the best pic I could find on facebook of him though.

More Milan Pics

Disney Land, Italy.
Navigli, next to Porta di Ticinese, very close to Porta di Genova.
Italian women like fur. A lot.

Milan Pictures

Duomo - Every Italian city has one of these. I think this is where they make most of their pasta and pizza. This is the Duomo on the first day. It was a really nice day...
Really old, big mall like structure next to the Duomo. They have been shopping for centuries here.
Via Pastrengo - My streetNear La Scala - a famous opera house. Scooters are the opposite of badass and everywhere.